I have always had a special relationship with my mom. I feel like it has stemmed from the incredible mother she had and their relationship. I grew up with my mom around all the time, well my mom and my Grandma. They were best friends. My mom was her caregiver. Their relationship was something that I valued and always wished I could one day have with my mom and some day my own daughter.
I have always been extremely close to my mom. She was and still is the best mom. Growing up she was so involved, room mother every year in elementary school, girl scout leader, coach, and mostly a great parent and friend. I was a great kid in school, but I know I had a mouth on me when I was mad and I seemed to always take that out on my mom. As an adult our relationship only grew, but that doesn't mean that I didn't sometimes get to a point where I treated my mom in a way that I was told "I don't know where you get this! I never talked to my mom this way!" and she was right! Why in my 20's was I also so hard on my mom. Why didn't I have that whole-hearted silent respect my mom had for my Grandma? Why were the three of us so much alike, yet so different?
A little back story on Grandma...
Grandma was the oldest of three girls, she was diagnosed with type 1 Diabetes at the age of 11. That was was in 1951. At that time, a lot of her time was spent in the hospital. There wasn't the medical advances we have today to stabilize her diabetes. She was told she would never have children, yet was able to have 4 children. My grandma lived for others, her husband, her children and later in life her grandchildren. She received joy and love by spreading it. The glue to the family, our everything. She was one of the most giving people. She made you feel special.
My grandma passed away in 2005, 10 years this September, and I never saw my mom talk to her in anything but a comforting manner.
A little back story on mom...
My mom is the oldest of 3, the only girl. She has so many of the same characteristics as my grandma. From the time she was small, my mom was always helping out and caring for my Grandma. Since my grandma passed, of course, my mom now became that glue. Big shoes to fill, and my does she fill them well.
My Grandma and my mom had similar situations in motherhood. They both were married and pregnant with baby number one in their very early 20's. They were both stay at home moms that worked small side jobs for extra money. They both found love young and have had successful marriages. My story on the other hand is not similar.
I went to college, began a teaching career, bought a home while single, and then in my late 20's I met my husband. At the age of 30 I was married and had my first baby. A good 10 years after my mom and grandma. I had already established a life that required a financial need for me to work. So, staying at home didn't seem to be an option for me. I have a hard time with that everyday, but I am fortunate enough that my daughter gets to spend her days with the same woman that helped make me who I am, my mom.
A little back story on mom...
My mom is the oldest of 3, the only girl. She has so many of the same characteristics as my grandma. From the time she was small, my mom was always helping out and caring for my Grandma. Since my grandma passed, of course, my mom now became that glue. Big shoes to fill, and my does she fill them well.
My Grandma and my mom had similar situations in motherhood. They both were married and pregnant with baby number one in their very early 20's. They were both stay at home moms that worked small side jobs for extra money. They both found love young and have had successful marriages. My story on the other hand is not similar.
I went to college, began a teaching career, bought a home while single, and then in my late 20's I met my husband. At the age of 30 I was married and had my first baby. A good 10 years after my mom and grandma. I had already established a life that required a financial need for me to work. So, staying at home didn't seem to be an option for me. I have a hard time with that everyday, but I am fortunate enough that my daughter gets to spend her days with the same woman that helped make me who I am, my mom.
See, as much as the three of us have so much in common, first born girls, leaders, compassionate, thoughtful...we also have taken different paths in life. Yet, we have all been mothers and that's where our true connection happens.
From the moment I became a mother, my entire relationship with my mom changed. We no longer fight over pointless stuff, my respect for her is so high I don't even know how to describe how lucky we are. I have experiences everyday as a mom that make me understand choices and rules that my mom put into place when I was younger.
One of the biggest things that made my heart go out to my mom was the first time my daughter was sick. I remember going through middle school and high school and my mom crying with me over boys and friend issues. I never understood why she was so upset, she wasn't hurting, I was! She would explain to me that she did hurt. She would tell me over and over, "Stacy, when your children hurt, you hurt." I would just yell back like a know-it-all teenager that she didn't understand. BOY, WAS I WRONG! I never have felt so much hurt, as I did when my daughter was sick and crying and in so much pain and I couldn't fix it. I would just cry with her.
I am terrified of her growing up and watching her get hurt by other kids with their words and actions, seeing her sick or in pain, but I know she will be ok. Its hard to see your child go through pain. My daughter is only 16 months, but through the process of being her mom, I have learned what an amazing mom I have. She would give me the world if she could. Our relationship is so strong right now. We have always been close, but I haven't always treated her with the respect that I should. As a mother, of a spunky little girl, I know I have my work cut out for me. I know my daughter will challenge my patience and my strength.
I only pray that one day, she becomes a parent and can finally realize the unconditional love that I feel for her. That my mom feels for me. That my grandma felt for my mom. As much as non-mothers want to admit they understand, they do not understand. You never truly understand the love that is possible by a mother until you are a mother. Its a love that my mom had for me that I never understood until I had my own daughter.
I am happy to be part of a chain of first born mothers and daughters, we have this connection that I am excited to add my daughter to.
I never knew how much my relationship with my mom would change once I became a mother...its stronger, happier, better...a best friend that no one else will ever have. My best friend.
Much love~
Stacy
